The Legend of The Thirsty Aztec

The gods gathered in the Underworld and said, “Oh boy, what a somber place! So they created the Earth and the Sun who fathered many warriors to guard creation – the Aztecs. “I don’t want to be outshined,” said the Moon, “I want a warrior of my own.” So she bore a baby she called Jade. Problem was, young Jade turned out to be not much of a warrior… but a lover, and quite mischievous too. Plus, at the time, the moon shone as bright as the Sun, but baby Jade sucked the Moon dry and made her lose her luster. “What a thirsty baby!” she sighed, “I hope one day you can make me proud.” One night while the Sun warriors were asleep, Jade snuck to the lakes they were guarding and drank all the water, leaving vast extensions of land dry. The next morning all hell broke loose. “Man, you’re a thirsty son of a gun, but I’ll teach you a lesson!” the Sun yelled at Jade, “Go and build rivers all across the land! You’re on your own now!” “Make your mamma proud, son,” whispered the Moon, “please trace your rivers as straight as you can.” So off went a lonely yet cheerful Jade without a set destination, just going straight. Plentiful water flowed through all the channels he proudly carved on his own, and throughout this journey to redeem himself, many surprises awaited him.

“What a sight!” exclaimed Jade. His redemption task of building long straight rivers had led him to a magical landscape. “This place is amazing!” he added. Never-ending rows of a strange plant with spiky leaves stretched as far as he could see. Very straight rows too. “What kind of plant is this?!” Jade wondered out loud. “Ajúa! You’ve just discovered the blue agave, mijo!” said a cheerful voice that startled Jade. He looked up and saw a group of what seemed good hombres that were slowly surrounding him. “Hey, don’t let our penachos and big mustaches scare you,” he added laughing after noticing the expression on Jade’s face, “We’re the Amiki, just here to thank you… and to welcome you to Tequilaland.” “Thank me?!” replied Jade, “Uh… nobody’s ever thanked me for anything! What did I do?!” “No small thing – you brought us a river!!! Now we’ll be able to grow more blue agaves to produce our precious drink – tequila!” explained the Amiki. “And because of your deed, I proclaim you an honorary Amiki. You’re now one of us!” In the Amiki book, this called for a celebration – as did pretty much anything, really – so they partied three days in a row, after which Jade was invited to stay with them forever. “Thanks, but… I can’t,” said Jade with mixed emotions. “I’m on a mission.” “Well then, as a token of appreciation, we want you to have this magic seashell… for the road. It holds an endless supply of tequila, the spirit of the Amiki; a little something to remember us by.” As Jade left Tequilaland to continue his undefined journey, the Moon looked down from the sky in disappointment since Jade’s once straight-lined rivers became… well, squiggly. “Will Jade ever make me proud?” she sighed. The Sun replied, “Just let him be, girl. He’ll turn out all right.”

“Oh no! This can’t be good!” shouted Jade. Some six hundred miles away from Tequilaland he’d spotted a huge menacing dark storm cloud looming over an oasis, but thought nothing much about it. Now, as he drew closer, he couldn’t believe the devastation the storm had caused: only rooftops rose above the water. This oasis…the River City, was flooded! Without hesitation he rushed down to the banks, squatted down, and began drinking. Currents of water began gushing into his gaping mouth. Jade gulped, gulped, gulped. At first, people didn’t know what to make of this voracious slurping character. One guy named Life, started throwing key limes at Jade thinking he was some kind of intruder. Luckily, someone in the crowd stopped him saying, “Wait, don’t hurt him! I think he’s draining the flood!” So as Jade chugged, the cries for help turned into cries of surprise, then cries of joy. And man, were they loud! Even the Sun cleared the skies above the town to see what all the fuss was about… And was pleasantly surprised. “Who are you?” asked the mayor of River City when it became clear what had just happened. “I’m just a regular Aztec doing what he can to help,” answered Jade. “Well you must’ve been really thirsty. You saved our city!” continued the mayor excitedly, “People will now be able to return to the river and open new shops… and folks from all over the world will come to visit. And we owe it all to you!” And turning to the crowds he added, “Let’s hear it for the Thirsty Aztec!”

The roaring cheers woke the Moon. So she took a peek… and she felt fuzzy inside – Jade was finally making her shine and very proud! “Please let me know if there’s anything I can do for you,” offered the mayor. “Well, since you bring it up, I could use a little spot next to the river to settle down; a place where I can share my precious gift with both locals and visitors of this great town.” So Jade picked up all the limes Life had thrown at him… and with the generosity he learned from the Amiki, and taking advantage of the Sun’s generosity over the River City (which, as you know makes people thirsty) … created Margaritas To Go on the River Walk! If life throws lemons at you, make lemonade.